It's Time for a Joke

It's always a good time for a Joke

Please Enjoy these Jokes

A patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out.
"Won't you give me something to keep it in?" he begged."Take this," the doctor said kindly, and he handed the patient a small box.

 Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. ‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer. ‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers. When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers. ‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’

Secretary: What do you want, sir? Visitor: I would like to see your boss. Secretary: What’s your business, please? Visitor: There is a bill... Secretary: Ah! He left yesterday for an overseas trip... Visitor: Which I have to pay him... Secretary: And he returned this morning.

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. “Twenty years,” replied the guide. ‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have been built in five.’ At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to build. ‘Only ten years,’ said the guide. The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.’ In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”

Staying at a small-town hotel, Tom ordered tea. Shortly afterwards, a girl threw open the door. ‘Sugar in your tea?’ she shouted. ‘No, thank you,’ Tom replied. ‘Ah, well, don’t stir it then.’

A man walks into a bar wearing dark glasses, accompanied by a chihuahua on a leash. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, no dogs allowed.’ ‘I’m blind. It’s my seeing-eye dog,’ the man explains. The bartender scoffs. ‘Seeing-eye dogs are labradors or German shepherds.’ The man looks alarmed. ‘What’ve they given me?’

A seal walks into a club …

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyNewYork” When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Two drunk Irishmen were stumbling around a cemetery, reading the grave markers to see who had lived the longest. One of them suddenly exclaimed, "Here's one who lived to be 190!" The other asked, "What's his name?" The first responded, "It's Miles, Miles from Dublin."


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